


Even If We Can't Find Heaven (I'd Walk Through Hell With You)

by TheTruthAboutLove



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Brazen Waverly, Brotp, Champ is being an asshole, Childhood Friends, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Mentions of drugs, Mentions of underage drinking, So much Fluff and Angst you're going to want to puke, WynHaught brotp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:56:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7443505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTruthAboutLove/pseuds/TheTruthAboutLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waverly was twelve the first time she sat down next to Nicole Haught on the couch of the abandoned homestead. She was one of Wynonna's best friends. They never acknowledged Waverly, but Nicole did, maybe because they were the same age. She always smiled and was always polite and when there was only one cookie left on the plate she would always offer it to her, on the pretense that she was the youngest of them all.<br/>So that one day Waverly decided to sit down next to her in complete silence and she always sat next to her ever since.</p>
<p>Or, Wayhaught as teenagers and then growing up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even If We Can't Find Heaven (I'd Walk Through Hell With You)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story about Waverly and Nicole growing up together and trying to figure out where they're headed and what people they want to be. Their journey might try to tear them apart, but they will always be drawn back to each other.

Sometimes when it was late at night and dark around her and everyone else was asleep, Waverly grabbed her phone and opened a text addressed to Nicole and stared at the screen.

More often than she'd like, she asked herself if Nicole was still spiraling down and if she was staring at the bottom of a bottle the same way Waverly was staring at her phone's screen, and when she was so drunk she could barely hold her glass, she closed her eyes and thought of Waverly the same way Waverly still thought about her.

Waverly hoped that she didn't. That her life, unlike Waverly's, had gotten better and she'd been doing her dream job and she'd been sleeping next to the perfect woman and hadn't thought of Waverly in days. Of the way Waverly let her down. Of the way Waverly let down herself.

  


//

  


Waverly was twelve the first time she sat down next to Nicole Haught on the couch of the abandoned homestead. She was one of Wynonna's best friends. They never acknowledged Waverly, but Nicole did, maybe because they were the same age. She always smiled and was always polite and when there was only one cookie left on the plate she would always offer it to her, on the pretense that she was the youngest of them all. 

So that one day Waverly decided to sit down next to her in complete silence, while Wynonna kept 

talking and talking.

She always sat next to her ever since.

Nicole didn't talk much, she barely said three words sentences and never more than that. She was a shy kid, but it was fine with Waverly because she always talked too much and Nicole was the only one who listened.

  


//

  


They started highschool when they were fourteen, they had all their classes together. 

She hadn't seen Nicole all summer and she was changed: she talked more and was taller. But always kind, always opening doors and always, always smiling from across the room. They became the very best of friends.

Always sitting together in class and at lunch, always doing homework in the afternoon in the room above Shorty's bar while her aunt Gus worked downstairs. There was a TV so they could watch a movie if they were bored. They didn't go with Wynonna and her friends to the abandoned homestead anymore. 

Of course one Friday night was all it took to ruin it all.

They watched a movie and held hands under the blanket and then, after Nicole picked up her backpack, her mom already waiting for her downstairs, Waverly got up on her toes and kissed her on the cheek. 

Nicole just looked at her for the longest moment.

Shorty was calling for Nicole again, he didn't like sober adults at the bar and Nicole's mom was surely getting on his nerve with some polite conversation or some other nonsense. Her aunt Gus was usually nicer.

Nicole kissed her briefly on the lips and then fled the room, ran down the stairs and out of the bar. It was so gentle and quick that it left Waverly wondering if she had just imagined it.

They were in what they both called their room – the one above Shorty's – a couple of days later, when Nicole decided to bring it up.

“You're not gonna tell someone, right?”

Waverly just knew what she was talking about, she just did.

“Why did you do that?”

Nicole kept staring at her notebook.

“I'm never gonna tell on you, Nicole. Best friends never do that, I'll never do that.”

Nicole slowly lifted her eyes.

“But I have a crush on you, aren't you grossed out?”

Her voice was very quiet and very scared.

“Like, a friend crush or a crush crush?”

She laughed, lighting the mood a bit. “What even is a friend crush?”

Waverly bit her lip. “You know, when you admire someone and want to be friends but not kiss them and stuff.”

Well, they were fourteen after all, how well can you explain things like that at fourteen?

“Wave, I kinda already kissed you” her voice if possible was even quieter then before.

“So a crush crush.”

Nicole looked down at her book and when she spoke, her voice was a trembling whisper.

“I think I'm into girls” then as an afterthought she added “Well, only one girl in particular, really.”

They didn't say anything else all afternoon. Neither of them knew what to say.

When Nicole's mom got there, Nicole got her things and spoke without looking back.

“If you don't wanna be friends anymore or hang out alone anymore just say so. Or text me if you don't want to talk about it or whatever.”

Waverly didn't answer. A second later, she was gone.

Waverly did think about it. 

A lot.

Eventually she texted Nicole to come over after school the next day and once they were alone Nicole barely had time to put down her backpack before Waverly put her hands on her shoulders for support, got up on her toes and kissed her on the lips.

It was so sweet and innocent that even years down the road, even when everything had gone to hell, that one pure kiss made Waverly's heart beat like crazy and her lips curl into a smile.

//

They kissed three or four times after that and when Waverly turned fifteen Nicole asked her on a date.

Nicole's mom drove them to the movies, they held hands and shared popcorn and smiled like two kids in love would and when Waverly thought back to that first date she often found herself wondering if they weren't after all. 

Of course they didn't really understood what it was but that feeling she had holding Nicole's hand – that feeling stayed with her even after everything else was gone.

Nicole's parents sat her down one night after one of their dates – not that they ever called them that in front of anyone else – and asked her if she loved Waverly.

“I mean, of course I do, she's my best friend.”

Her parents just couldn't let it go, so when she realized a lie wasn't likely to get her out of that discussion, she settled for half the truth.

“Maybe I do but she doesn't feel the same. Just 'cause there's something wrong with me doesn't mean there's something wrong with her too.”

Her father grabbed both of her shoulders and stared at her for the longest minute of her life after she said that.

“Nicole, there is nothing wrong with you. You've always been true to yourself and you keep doing that and be the honest and kind person I raised you to be. And if anybody ever tells you there is something wrong with you I will run them over with my truck.”

Her mom just laughed at that. “No, you won't do that because you're a cop. But we will always have your back, honey” she told Nicole. “We wanted to talk about this for this very reason. Never think you're doing something wrong just because you're being yourself. We know it's a small town, but, when you're ready, we will face together whatever might come our way.”

Nicole never told them about Waverly anyway, but she always got the feeling they knew.

  


//

  


It was July and Waverly was still fifteen for a month and a half but Nicole was already sixteen and she passed Shorty's in her grandpa's old truck that she and her dad fixed in the previous months, flashing Waverly her new license and a dimpled smile.

They went stargazing to celebrate, they laid down on an old blanket and looked up at the night sky and it was quiet and dark and their fingers, tangled together between them, were cold even if it was summer.

Nicole knew in her heart that they were going to do amazing things in life. That that little town couldn't hold them forever and that one day they'd be free to hold hands walking down a crowded street, somewhere far, far away. Nicole knew they'd be happy and in love and safe. 

“I love you.”

It wasn't like they never said it before. But it meant something different. Something better. Something bigger.

“I love you too.”

Of course they didn't realize, that was the day. They were happy and in love and safe. Right there and then, it was the moment to savor. 

Years down the road, lost in the depths of her own mind, Nicole would be finally able to see, that was the day.

Waverly was sitting in the armchair and Nicole, Wynonna and Dolls were on the couch. They were playing videogames at Dolls' because he was the only one with a console. Nicole and Wynonna were the one playing while the other two waited for their turn.

“So I wanted to talk to you guys about something” Nicole started, looking subtly towards Waverly.

“Wathever it is don't hope you're gonna distract me from kicking your ass” Wynonna told her, eyes still on the screen.

Waverly saw her taking a deep breath.

“Ok, so I'm gay.”

Nicole was never of too much words.

Three pairs of eyes all rolled towards her and instead of using that moment to win against Wynonna, she paused the game and slowly turned to look at her best friends.

“What?” Wynonna just looked at her.

“I'm into girls.”

“How long have you known?”

“A couple of-” she shrugged. She didn't want to lie. “Years?”

Wynonna looked shocked. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because I didn't know if it was going to freak you out, Wynonna.”

“Haught, come on” Dolls jumped in. “It doesn't matter. It doesn't. We're family, you could tell us you killed a dude and we would ask how deep do you want the grave to be.”

Nicole kept staring into Wynonna's eyes.

“Dude, I could have been there for you” she whispered.

“You were” Nicole whispered right back. “You are. Right?”

“I'll always be. You should have come to me, Nicole, I'm your fucking best friend, if you were scared or lost- I wish I could have helped, that's all.”

“I wasn't ready to talk about it. But I am now.”

Wynonna wasn't one for very, very long hugs, but she made an exception that day.

Waverly was a very brave young woman. She had always wanted to try things that scared her, like skydiving and swimming far, far into the ocean. She was told that bravery wasn't not being afraid of those things, but wanting to do them despite her fear.

So, even though her heart was hammering in her ears and her pulse was skyrocketing, she sat down next to Wynonna on the floor, took a deep breath and started talking.

“You have to promise you won't tell anybody what I'm about to say. Not even Dolls, no one.”

Wynonna took her headphones off and listened to Waverly's serious tone.

“I promise.”

“Pinky promise me” Waverly offered her pinky to her sister, who took it in a beat.

“Pinky sister promise I won't tell.”

Waverly took another deep breath.

“I want to date one of our friends and you can't freak out and veto it or something.”

Wynonna was surprised but recovered quickly.

“Wave, Dolls is already seeing someone.”

She rolled her eyes at her older sister.

“You guys haven't exactly been subtle about it, I know you've been sneaking around for months.”

Wynonna looked even more confused.

“I want to date Nicole.”

After a split second Wynonna's surprise was replaced by utter excitement.

“Really? Oh my God that's so cute, my sister and my best friend. Yes, you should ask her out. Or do you want me to ask her to ask you out?”

“Wynonna, you can't tell anyone, okay? I don't want people to know yet, I don't even know if I'm bisexual or gay or straight, I just want to be with her and I want this to stay between us.”

Wynonna smiled softly and hugged her.

“Of course baby girl, whatever you want” she told her, kissing the top of her head.

  


//

  


They spent hours painting invisible lines on each other, turning their own skin into a canvas, looking at each other like they were the most beautiful masterpieces.

Waverly used to think Nicole was cut from marble, her arms were toned and her stomach tensed under her fingertips, but she was also the softest thing she ever touched. She was so strong and firm and unwavering, like an anchor, like a statue.

Nicole used to think Waverly was painted to life. The look in her eyes hid depths neither of them knew the bottom of and everyone who saw it had a different reaction or interpretation. Waverly was a mystery, she was something you had to look at ten, one hundred, one thousand, one million times before understanding it.

Eventually they learned each other too well, until they could carve or paint each other by heart. And together they meld like the notes of the most beautiful symphony.

They were art. They were painting, sculpture, music. 

They were art. 

  


//

Waverly recently turned seventeen and they just started their senior year in highschool, when Willa came back from death.

Now the thing was, when Waverly was six and Wynonna was seven, their older sister, Willa, twelve, was kidnapped. Their mother wasn't able to bear the loss and ran away. Their father drank himself to death shortly after. 

So they lived with their aunt and uncle and were perfectly fine with Curtis and Gus and sometimes Shorty looking after them. But when Willa was found in a creepy congregation in the woods with other kidnapped girls, twenty-three and still alive, Sheriff Nedley had to track down her mother to tell her.

So, of course, upon hearing her daughter had been returned, and surely not because the homestead, now that Ward was dead, was technically her propriety, their mother went back to Purgatory.

And that changed everything.

  


Waverly offered to help their mom set up the homestead, change the sheets on the beds, clean off the dust that covered everything except the couch Wynonna and her friends used to smoke pot on.

She got a text from Nicole, asking her if she wanted to hang out and talk about it, since Wynonna told them what happened, but she didn't reply.

Willa was apparently with them. And twenty-three, so of course she just decided to buy half a dozen bottle of the cheapest whiskey and they just let Nicole drive around while she, Wynonna, Dolls and Doc played 'Never Have I Ever'.

She and their mother – she kept calling her Wendy until she told her to just call her mom, and Waverly obliged even though she didn't really felt comfortable with it – they made dinner and set the table and just waited for Willa and Wynonna to get home.

They did, two hours too late. 

Dinner was cold and Waverly pretty much talked her mother trough every achievement of her young life before Wendy got tired and went to her room.

There was a noise on the porch, a faint light outside, someone fumbling with keys. Then Willa swayed her way in, her arm around Dolls, who could barely even carry himself but still managed to get her through the door. Nicole, steady, sober and strong, entered after them carrying Wynonna, who leaned on her and was grabbing at her leather coat with the hand that wasn't around her shoulder.

“'m fine Haught-stuff. I just want to sleep it off.”

Nicole spared a glance to the kitchen.

Waverly whispered her mother was taking a shower and led them upstairs so they could help them into their bedroom.

Waverly and Dolls went with Willa, while Nicole sat Wynonna down on her own bed and took off her shoes.

“Why are you doing this, you could bail. Everyone bails on me” Wynonna told her with the dark to conceive the fear in her voice.

Nicole looked her dead in the eyes, making sure Wynonna really heard her.

“Not me, dude. I'm always gonna be here for you, okay? We swore 'till the end. You, me, Dolls and Wave are going to always be there for each other, we're going to get through this, okay? We're going to be just fine, you're going to be fine.”

Waverly and Dolls found them sitting on the floor, Nicole hugging Wynonna, while she cried against her shoulder every tears she didn't shed when her mother left and her father died.

Dolls undressed her and helped her into her bed while Nicole and Waverly waited downstairs.

“So you guys just thought it was a good idea to get my sister drunk on her first week back from the dead?”

“I'm sorry. I tried to stop them, Willa just wouldn't listen.”

“Oh, so now is Willa's fault.”

“Well, she's the only one with an ID” Nicole pointed out, crossing her arms on her chest.

“She's traumatized.”

“She seemed fine, honestly, it was her idea.”

Waverly rolled her eyes and shook her head. “You're un-fucking-believable.”

Nicole dryly laughed at her. “ _I'm_ unbelievable, Waverly? Really? This is the first time you've spoken to me since your mom came back a week ago.”

“I've been busy.”

Dolls quietly descended the stairs.

“We should go before Mrs Earp find us here.”

Nicole nodded and led the way out of the house.

  


Willa started hanging out with a drug dealer named Bobo del Rey, that sold some sort of drug with a stupid name like 'Hemo' or something.

Their mom flipped when she found out and she blamed Wynonna for not protecting her sister enough, for not helping her when she came back. It didn't matter that Wynonna was only eighteen, or that Willa was old enough to make her own decisions, she just blamed them both and punished them for everything one of them did.

Of course, that only pushed Willa further and further.

Nicole had been the most patient human on earth, really. She waited for Waverly to be ready to talk, she listened, she tried to help her however she could. But it was never enough. She would say one word? It was the wrong word to say and it would make Waverly insanely mad at her. She did something to help, it just seemed to Waverly she was pushing her to open up. She just couldn't get it right.

One night, after Wendy came back from bailing Willa out of jail, Wynonna drunk and passed out on the couch, she entered Waverly's room and gently brushed her hair.

“I'm sorry, mom.”

“It's fine. We are going to help them get better, somehow. I'm not giving up on them again.”

She smiled but her eyes glimmered with tears.

“And I still have you. My perfect daughter. You're gonna graduate top of your class, and then who knows what? You know, maybe you could get a job in town.”

Waverly actually wanted to go to college, but she knew they didn't have the money to do so. So of course, she was going to settle for a job in town and help her mother around.

“And in a couple of years I am sure, you are going to marry a nice, handsome man. God knows we could use a man around here to help us with this land. And then, maybe, when the time is right, you'll give me the grandchildren I've always wanted.”

Waverly's heart fell and fell until she couldn't hear it beating anymore.

“My perfect daughter.”

  


She asked Nicole to meet her in the school's backyard, it was the last day before winter break.

Nicole was a quiet kid, but she was no fool.

Waverly's eyes were cloudy and circled in red and she kept staring at the ground.

And before that conversation even began, Nicole knew there was nothing she could ever say to make a difference. Waverly had already made her choice.

“I can't do this anymore, Nicole.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“What did she say?”

That was the kind of thing that Nicole would say and that would make Waverly freak out, because it didn't matter that she was right, Waverly wanted to avoid the truth at all costs and Nicole's blatant honesty always made it too hard.

“I just- we knew it was bound to end someday. I'm not- I just can't do this to my family.”

Nicole just knew. She always knew what Waverly wanted to say even when she didn't.

“So what, you're just going to tailor yourself to the people you're with for the rest of your life?”

“They're my family. She's my mother.”

When she looked into Nicole's eyes she saw the tears that she wouldn't let escape. Her sad eyes said it all without her having to utter a single word.

She wasn't blind. She tried to understand her and help her, but Waverly wouldn't let her. She knew this was coming, but her eyes were screaming 'not today' and 'not like this' but that didn't matter anymore. She just couldn't force Waverly. Not to be with her, not to leave her properly, not to say a real goodbye. 

“I'm always going to be here for you, okay?”

That was it. She wasn't going to ask why because she knew why. She wasn't going to beg her to change her mind, to give her another chance, to tell her they could fix this, because there was nothing to fix. They were perfect the way they'd always been. The problem was, Waverly didn't want perfection. She just wanted to settle for normal.

So Nicole was going to tell her what she told Wynonna at her worst, because she wasn't entirely sure that that wasn't where Waverly was headed.

“Whenever you call, I'll come back and I'll be there for you.”

“Nicole-”

“As every best friend should.”

Waverly didn't even know what to say to that.

She just broke Nicole's heart, told her that the last three years had been a lie, told her that she was just going to leave her. And Nicole didn't even show her how much that hurt. She didn't try to make her feel guilty. She just told her that she was still gonna catch her the day she was finally going to fall.

  


//

  


Champ Hardy asked her out and Waverly said no.

But then Champ Hardy's mom went to the shop Wendy worked at and told her that her boy should go out with Waverly because they would be such a good match and showed her a picture of her son.

Her mom came back home telling her she found her a date.

So Waverly went and it was nothing like her dates with Nicole.

He was always bragging about something stupid, he didn't open doors and checked out other girls while they were talking. He took her to a pub and ordered for both of them – hamburger and fries, his favorite meal – and Waverly tried to talk but every time she brought up something deeper than football he changed the subject.

He drove her home and tried to kiss her but she turned her face and put a hand on his chest, she whispered a goodbye and got into her house.

She very quietly walked upstairs. Wynonna's door was slightly open and a dim light came from there. She looked inside.

“You know it's not true, dude. You're amazing, you're more than enough, okay?” her sister's voice trembled at the end. “I'm getting you so far away from this godforsaken town as soon as you graduate, we're gonna get away soon and we're going to have a nice life where this closet shit doesn't happen.”

She was sitting up on her bed, her back on the headboard. She couldn't see Nicole's face, but she was laying with her head on Wynonna's lap, her shoulders were trembling – so even if she couldn't see her Waverly knew she was crying – and Wynonna's hand was gently caressing her hair.

“And we're gonna live together, because that would be awesome. And of course we'll have breakfast with cereals and bourbon, dude. And it's gonna be just fine. You're going to be so happy, Nicole, because you deserve it so fucking much. I'm so proud of you for never backing down. And of course we're never coming back to this hell.”

Wynonna's eyes caught Waverly's through the door.

“I'm bringing you some water” she whispered to Nicole, then she gently got up and went to the door, looked Waverly dead in the eyes, tears glimmered in both pairs and then, slowly, she shut the door.

  


A couple of weeks later, it was past eleven at night, Waverly had been looking for her sisters everywhere. Willa was nowhere to be found and Wendy was already going to the police, hoping they would search Bobo's trailer to see if she was there again.

But Waverly knew where Wynonna was.

She opened the door of the room above Shorty's and quickly closed it again behind herself.

“Wynonna what are you doing?”

Her sister was sitting on the bed, Dolls beside her, laughing and occasionally kissing.

Doc was leaning against the wall and Nicole was sitting on the floor not too distant from him, and next to her there was a girl, that Waverly recognized as the blacksmith's daughter.

“We're trying to decide with whom we wanna have a threesome.”

Waverly rolled her eyes. “You were supposed to be home hours ago, mom is worried sick.”

“You mean you're worried sick, she just worries about Willa.”

“Are you drunk?”

Wynonna snickered. “No” she lied. “Hey Nicole, wanna have a threesome?”

“With you and Dolls? Ew” she laughed and took a sip from the bottle she had in her hands and then passing it to Doc.

“We might just all take our clothes off and see what happens” Doc suggested, glancing down at the two girls sitting on the floor beside him. He sipped from the bottle and then hand it back to Nicole with a smirk.

Waverly did not like the turn things with her sister and her friends were taking.

“I personally prefer things a little less crowded” the girl next to Nicole whispered to her with a smile that Waverly would have liked to erase with a punch.

Nicole took two long sips from the bottle and then handed it over to the girl, lifting a hand towards Doc so he would help her get up.

“Are you kidding me right now? You were the responsible one, Nicole” Waverly's look was accusatory. “You're not even eighteen for God's sake” she gestured to the whiskey.

Nicole rolled her eyes.

“Whatever, I'm going home, my curfew is in half an hour.”

“Aw look at my kid, still with her curfew” Wynonna made fun of her.

“Dude, I'm still in highschool. And you have one too, you just ignore it” Nicole told her, walking past Waverly without even looking at her.

“What's up with her, one minute ago she was laughing and making fun of you and now she's pissed?” Dolls asked as soon as Nicole was out of the room.

Wynonna's eyes finally left Waverly's, after the longest moment.

“Yeah she's kind of stressed for this test she has next week. She's gonna be fine” she whispered back, getting up and snatching the bottle out of Doc's hands. “Time to go home, we can finish this next time.”

Waverly ran down the stairs and towards Nicole's car.

“You can't drive, you've been drinking.”

Nicole rolled her eyes, starting the engine and then acting surprised.

“Oh my God, it worked” then she resumed being serious. “I just had a few sips, I'm fine. I'll see you at school, Wave.”

She was left standing there like an idiot, staring at the corner where Nicole's car disappeared from her view.

  


One afternoon she just walked into her own home to find Wynonna, Nicole and Champ all sitting on the couch and Nicole's dad and Champ's mom standing in front of them. Her own mother walked to them from the kitchen with two ice packs, handing one to Champ and one to Nicole.

“So, we're gonna ask again one more time. Who started this?”

No one noticed Waverly in the doorway.

Nicole's lip was split, Champ held the ice against his eyes, he seemed to be messed up worse. The only one who, surprisingly enough, was not hit was Wynonna.

“We told you” Nicole said.

“We were just getting out when we ran into this as- into Champ on the front porch” Wynonna caught herself on time. “I told him to go away and he said he wanted to wait.”

“I was just waiting for Waverly, I didn't do anything wrong” he interrupted.

“He told me to fuck off and so Nicole told him to shut up. He told her” Wynonna's eyes darted to Nicole and she fell quiet.

“He told me I should be the one to shut up and I said he should make me. And so he hit me on the face and I defended myself, that's all.”

Champ scoffed her.

“She called me a perv just because I was waiting for my girl.”

Nicole looked disgusted. “Waverly doesn't belong to anyone, for God's sake, watch your mouth.”

“Nicole, did you say that to him?” her father asked.

“Yeah, after he called me a-” she stopped herself, looking down and shutting up.

Wynonna gently but firmly squeezed her knee to give her support.

Champ just laughed at Nicole's teary eyes.

“Oh, boo-hoo, you're gonna cry 'cause I called you a dyke?”

“Champ!” Waverly's disbelieving voice caught everyone's attention. “What is wrong with you?” she asked, rage filling her voice.

“What? It's true! Everyone knows it, Chrissy overheard her and Wynonna talk in a bathroom and she was pining over this girl who dumped her or something. Probably she was normal, she wasn't like you.”

“Oh my God, this is so embarrassing” Champ's mom intervened. “You're way out of line Champ, you insulted this girl and hit her, you're going to apologize to her right now.”

Nicole's dad's face became shadowed. He was outraged. Waverly knew he would not settle for an apologize.

“Fine, I'm sorry” he said without meaning it.

“Come with me, you look shaken, I'll get you a cup of tea, darling” Wendy guided Champ's mom towards the kitchen.

“Can I go now?” the boy asked. “I said I was sorry.”

Nicole's father smiled and leveled himself with the boy, looking him in the eyes. Despite his smile, when he talked his voice was just above a whisper, but it was dark and angry and bitter.

“You can take your fake excuses and shove them down your throat. You're over eighteen, right? It's going to be fun when I handcuff you and take you down to the station for hitting the daughter of a cop. You better hope you don't have one of my friends search you before they throw you in the deepest, darkest, worse cell we have. Of course, it'll be nothing compared to what I'll do to you if I happen to walk by that cell. So think about this the next time you even as much as think about talking to my daughter or her friends.”

Champ looked terrorized.

“Dad, it's fine, let's just go.”

Nicole got up, followed by Wynonna. They got in the kitchen, Nicole's eyes stayed on the floor the whole time.

“Thanks for the ice, Mrs Earp.”

“No problem” she nodded taking the ice back.

Nicole and her dad left, Champ and her mother followed shortly after.

“Poor boy, he was hit pretty hard. Call him, Waverly, yeah? Ask him how he's doing” Wendy told her after the three of them were alone.

Wynonna frowned. “Yeah, poor Champ” she said ironically. “He hit a girl, let's give him pity and a kiss on the forehead.”

“Well about that, you shouldn't spend so much time with that girl. She's going to only be trouble, Wynonna.”

She was baffled.

“My best friend? The sweetest girl on this planet whose only fault was defending herself against a raging homophobic who punched her in the face? I can't see her but Waverly can date the aforementioned asshole?”

“For God's sake, Wynonna” Wendy rolled her eyes and said nothing else.

Waverly wasn't able to look in the mirror for days.

  


//

  


After three months, more than a dozen bouquets and one hundred apologizes later, Waverly agreed to go out with Champ again, as long as they hung out with her friends, so they wouldn't be alone.

Her friends weren't very happy about it, especially not Wynonna and Nicole, but eventually they agreed.

Wynonna proposed this pub in another town, the drive was half an hour and they were taking two cars, Nicole was usually driving since she didn't drink or at most had a drink or two, but that night Doc offered to be the designated driver. Since they were six Champ and Waverly were going to follow them in Champ's truck. Or rather, they were supposed to, but Champ showed up at half past eight almost drunk because he ran into his friends on the way there and they had one too many beers.

Waverly didn't have her license yet, so Nicole took Champ's keys and followed Doc's car, driving them wherever Wynonna had planned to take them.

Champ was sitting in the back seat, almost asleep.

“Oh my God” Nicole whispered suddenly.

“What?”

“I think I figured out where we're going” she said laughing.

Waverly's brow furrowed.

They stopped in the parking lot of a place called 'Other Side' and judging by the people outside, it didn't take a genius to figure out what kind of pub it was.

“You're homophobic boyfriend's gonna get a kick out of this” Nicole whispered, shutting off the car and getting out quickly to wake Champ up and get him off the car.

Once they were inside the fist thing they did was split up. Wynonna and Dolls went dancing, Doc went to fetch himself a beer and Nicole headed towards the jukebox.

“It's retro night” a girl told her, noticing her fascination with the device.

Waverly and Champ were still with her so Waverly had a front seat to see the way Nicole smiled at the girl. It wasn't one of the smiles she gave only to Waverly, but it was flirty and charming and it made Waverly want to scream.

“What kinda lame place is this, I'm already bored” Champ's voice changed Nicole expression to a stern look.

“Oh, I found one I like” she said, pressing the button to one of the songs.

_I saw you driving 'round town with the girl I love, and I'm like, fuck you. I guess the change in my pocket, just wasn't enough, and I'm like, fuck you and fuck her too._

Nicole singed along and the girl complimented her on her voice. Nicole smiled and the girl asked her to dance.

The dance floor was on the opposite side of the pub, the jukebox music didn't reach it and there were different songs playing. Waverly saw Nicole and the girl dance for a second or two at a certain distance. Not even one minute had passed when the girl stepped closer and put her hands on Nicole's shoulders. The redhead seemed rather uncomfortable. Maybe because she didn't like to dance, maybe because she never did it with someone who wasn't Waverly before.

Champ was babbling on about something, but Waverly's eyes were focused on Nicole's black jeans, on her green shirt, on the way she still wore that bracelet Waverly gave her for her sixteenth birthday, how she nervously put a strand of hair behind her ear and averted her gaze when the girl got closer.

Waverly felt like she could barely breath. 

Wynonna walked up to Nicole, breaking her dance with the girl and pushing Nicole back, whispering something in her ear, then threw her head back and laughed. She saw Nicole nod and when Dolls caught up to them she outstretched an hand and he gave her something Waverly couldn't see. She saw Nicole make her way out of the pub.

“I need some fresh air” she said, hoping Champ wouldn't follow her.

He tried to stop her, asking what was wrong, making her lose sight of Nicole. She told him three times she just needed to go out for a minute before he was convinced, but then proceeded to follow her anyway.

As soon as they were out, he got in front of her again and tried to kiss her.

She tuned her face and gently pushed him.

“Slow down, what are you doing.”

“Come on isn't this why you wanted to come out? It's like our third date or something, don't you think I can finally have a kiss?”

He went in again and Waverly again turned away.

“No, Champ. I said no.”

He was too close and his breath was filled with the scent of beer and rum and he was sweaty.

“Hey, are you deaf or just plain stupid?”

Nicole's voice made them both turn around. She was leaning on the wall, a cigarette of some sort in her hand. She finished it and threw it in the can next to her while Champ made his way towards her.

“What did you just say to me?”

“Maybe both” Nicole laughed at him.

“Mind your own fucking business.”

“Or what? You're going to hit me again? Didn't really worked out last time since you were the one bleeding.”

He took a swing at her, she moved to the side and then pushed him against the wall she was leaning on a second before, pressing his face on the wall and twisting his arm around his back.

“When someone says no it means no, perv” Nicole's voice was filled with rage. “So you're going to take your keys and drive back to Purgatory right now or I'll use your face as a punching bag again, alright?” she took him off the wall and nudged him towards the parking lot. “Goodbye.”

“Whatever, this place is the lamest pub I've ever been to anyway.”

He got to his car and drove off, while Nicole went back to leaning against the wall.

“Are you okay?”

“Am I- no I'm not okay, Nicole. Was all that really necessary?”

Nicole laughed lazily. Waverly suddenly remembered Dolls giving her something and Nicole throwing away a cigarette. But she never smoked.

“Are you high right now? You've got to be fucking kidding me.”

Nicole scoffed at the anger filling the smaller girl's voice. “My God, Waverly, it's just weed.”

“It's just- I'm going to _kill_ my sister and her boyfriend.”

“I'm a big girl, I take my own decisions. And yes, it was necessary since he was trying to force himself on you.”

“He wasn't going to do anything bad.”

Nicole felt like if she kept rolling her eyes so hard at everything Waverly said she was going to permanently damage her eyesight.

“And I don't need you to protect me.”

“Oh, I know. I tell that to myself five thousand times a day. You don't need me, you clearly don't want me and you're gonna be just fine without me.”

Waverly stepped closer, looking at her like she was crazy.

“You're fooling yourself if you really believe that. You think I don't want you? That you're not the most important thing in the world to me? But I just-”

“Don't even say it. You say you can't but it's not true. You can, you just won't” Nicole's calm accusation rang loud in her brain.

“Well why should I?” Waverly's voice started to raise. “I should fight my family to be with a girl, when said girl doesn't do anything other than drink and fool around with older kids and now smoke weed?”

Nicole laughed again. “Yeah, Champ's better than me, right? The boy-man who tried to force you to kiss him and called me a dyke?”

Waverly wavered at that. “Well at least he has a plan. He's going to take over Curtis' land and he's going to have a good job and everything. What's  _your_ plan? Drink yourself to death with my sister and Dolls?”

Nicole couldn't even believe the words she was hearing. She took two steps towards Waverly, narrowing her eyes slightly.

“My _plan_?” she laughed again but it was bitter and sad. “ _We_ had a fucking plan. Do you remember that? You'd go to college and we'd have an apartment as far away from here as possible and we were going to be fucking happy, that was my goddamn plan, Waverly! You were my plan, a life with you, where we were happy and in love and safe. But apparently that was all a lie. So, you know what, yeah. Maybe I am going to drink myself to death. What do I fucking care anymore” she whispered, turning her head and walking to Doc's car, she leaned against the hood.

Waverly let Nicole's words sink in very deep and then walked and sit on the hood of the car next to her.

“I'm sorry.”

“Whatever, you're right. I always thought I didn't deserve you, so it's no big deal you think so too, Waverly. You're right, even if I was a man, I wouldn't be the right one for you.”

“Don't say that” Waverly's voice was sad and caring and it was like they were three years younger all of a sudden. “You're smart and kind and funny.”

“My parents can't afford college. So I'm just going to be a waitress for the rest of my life or something like that.”

“Well” Waverly laughed briefly. “Me too.”

Nicole turned towards her. Waverly met her eyes. 

They were still in love but no longer happy and no longer safe and they couldn't say or do anything that would make them go back to that.

“I guess we all have to grow up, eventually” Nicole's voice was low and very, very sad. “We have to face the fact that life isn't perfect and love isn't pretty. Love is rough and fucked up and lonely most of the time, when you're not loved back. You were my first love, my pretty love, so of course it wasn't bound to last. I guess, everyone has to grow out of that, in the end.”

Waverly laid her head on Nicole's shoulder, closed her eyes, and thought that maybe, if she hadn't been such an idiot, they could have had forever their pretty love and never grew up to be rough, fucked up and lonely. 

They could have been those two kids, in love and happy and safe, all their lives.

But they weren't anymore.

  


//

  


The night Nicole's mom was in a car accident Waverly went to her house and sat on her front porch for two hours waiting for her.

She came home alone, her eyes red, her hands shaking.

“Where's Wynonna? I thought she was with you at the hospital.”

“She went home. My mom's out of surgery and she's awake, she's going to be okay, my dad's staying with her.”

She opened the door and asked Waverly if she wanted to come in. They sat on the couch with two cups of tea and stayed in silence for ten minutes before Nicole broke it.

“I was so scared.”

It was little and trembling and almost not there at all, but Waverly heard her. She sat both their tea cups down and took Nicole's face in her hands, gently bringing her closer, until she laid her head on Waverly's shoulder and Waverly hugged her.

Nicole clung to her shirt and hid her nose in the crook of her neck, letting out a shaky breath and slightly relaxing in her arms.

Waverly hated to see Nicole upset and sad, she had never been able to stand it. Every time she was, Waverly just had to make her feel better, she had to. That time was no different. She just wanted Nicole to feel happy and safe again, to feel comforted and loved. And no one in the whole world loved her as much as Waverly did.

“She's going to be fine, she's okay, you're okay, Nicole. I've got you.”

Nicole's scent filled her lungs and it was all too familiar.

“You're safe, love.”

Waverly ran a hand through her hair gently and kissed her temple tenderly. Then her cheekbone, her cheek, her neck, her lips, her lips, her lips.

Nicole pulled back and slowly met her eyes. Waverly took her face in her hands again, caressing her cheeks slowly.

In that moment Waverly was willing to admit it was an absolute mystery how she restrained herself from jumping Nicole every time she looked in her eyes, because the woman in front of her was absolutely stunning in a way she couldn't explain. It was something beyond her appearance. It was  _Nicole._ It was  _her_ Nicole.

She leaned in and kissed her again, a moment longer.

Nicole's hand landed at her wrists.

“Wave.”

Waverly always talked too much, but for the first time in her life she was speechless. There was nothing else to be said.

It was them.

She kissed her again, deeper, longer, she pulled her closer.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Waverly didn't know why but her mind promptly presented her a comparison between Champ's way of treating her and Nicole's. Champ was trying to force their first kiss, whilst Nicole was going to make sure Waverly was absolutely comfortable even if they kissed a million times and knew every inch of each other by heart.

She leaned in but Nicole leaned back and searched her eyes. She wouldn't go on unless she was certain Waverly was comfortable.

“I'm sure.”

Two hours later, after she finished redressing herself while Nicole was asleep, she knelt on the pavement on her side of the bed and tucked the strand of hair that was on her face behind her ear and then kissed her cheek.

Nicole slowly opened her eyes.

“Hey there” Waverly's eyes were wet and her voice broken.

“You're leaving” there was no question.

“I want you to know that what I said when I broke up with you, Nicole, it was all bullshit. What we had was real. It was the realest thing ever” she tried to laugh but the knot in her throat hold the sound back. “I've been in love with you since we were twelve and you gave me the last cookie. And I will always, always love you.”

Nicole didn't understand what was happening. She sat up and tried to clear the fog in her mind but she just didn't get was the other girl was trying to say.

“I will always love you too, baby” was the only thing she could respond. Her voice was soft and every word spilled love, just like Nicole herself.

“I'm just not strong enough. I'm a coward. I can't do this and I'm sorry, I really am.”

Waverly kissed her one last time, gently, on her forehead, on her nose, on her lips. Then, she was gone.

  


//

  


Waverly started going out with their friends again – although, she never really stopped, but she resumed going out with them more frequently – and things with Nicole were different. They weren't as close as before, but they weren't as tense in each other presence like the few months before. They were just sad, like something very heavy settled in their laps when they were together, but they didn't avert their gaze anymore and they participate in small talk and were polite to each other.

They would even hug goodbye or kiss on the cheek when they met.

They were getting better. They almost never slipped back anymore into the flirty smiles and love-full glances. They almost always caught themselves in time.

They were getting better. They kept telling themselves that, hoping one day the actually would.

  


“Champ asked me to prom.”

“Oh. Are you going to go with him?”

“I don't want to. But I kinda have to.”

“Don't tell me that boy-man sent his mom to ask your mom.”

“Technically, he sent her to tell my mom he asked me and I said no, so that she would make me change my mind.”

“I'm sorry Wave. Tell you what, we can rent a single car and it will be like we're just going out as a group of friends.”

“What do you mean, who's your date?”

“Wynonna didn't tell you? She offered to go with me so I wouldn't miss it. She said Doc was going to offer to take you, Dolls has a family thing that night.”

“Well, he's too late now. But we can double date.”

Nicole laughed. “Wynonna and I aren't really dating.”

“Neither Champ and I.”

  


Nicole was wearing a black dress, that hugged her chest very nicely and then got loose at her hips. It made really hard for Waverly to focus on pretty much anything else. It was even harder after Nicole leaned towards her at some point and told her she was the most beautiful girl in the world and that she looked even more stunning than usual in her light blue dress.

Wynonna was planning on telling them to cut it off, because 'your gay is showing' as she would put it, but suddenly king and queen were announced and Champ and Waverly had to get on the stage.

After the crowning ceremony, Champ suddenly hugged Waverly around the waist, pulled her down like he was in one of those cheesy movies were they kissed in those weird dance poses, and kissed her square on the lips.

When Waverly was finally let go and looked up, Nicole and Wynonna were gone.

  


On graduation day, Nicole approached her, eyes fixed on the ground.

“Hey, long time no see” Waverly joked.

Nicole's laugh was so small that Waverly wondered if it was actually a hiccup. 

“Wynonna's been spending a lot of time at your place, uh? She barely comes home anymore” she tried to fill the silence.

“Look, Wave, I came to say goodbye. I'm- I'm leaving.”

“Already? But we just starting taking pictures.”

Nicole finally met her eyes with her own.

“I'm leaving, Wave.”

“Oh.”

“Since Dolls enlisted and Doc found himself a job, I feel like this isn't my place anymore, you know?” she settled for a half truth. She couldn't tell Waverly why she felt like going away was the only way she had to keep breathing. “I wish you the very, very best.”

Waverly wanted to tell her to save it, because she already found the very best and it was standing right in front of her and she was letting her go.

“I do for you, too.”

“I- uhm” she lowered her gaze, but then looked back at her. “I love you.”

Waverly got up on her toes and held her with a hand on one of her cheeks while she kissed the other.

“I love you, too.”

Nicole leaned in the touch for a second, then moved back.

“I wish things were different.”

“Me too, Waves.”

But they weren't. Things were what they were. And it was too late to change them.

  


//

  


She felt like she could barely breath, most of the time, but she did her best to never show it. She tried to be strong and wait for the minutes to turn into hours and the hours to turn into days.

Her mom lost her job and someone had to pay for Willa's rehab center, so she started working at Shorty's and used half the money to enroll in an online college course without telling anyone, both because she wasn't sure she could manage to keep studying while working and because she felt like she had no one left to tell it to.

Wynonna called twice a week and they sometimes texted but she would never tell her what they were doing or where they were. They talked about home and the weather and 'Eat a banana once in while, they're a great source of Potassium, Wynonna' and not much else.

Eventually, the hours did turn into days. And the days turned into weeks.

Her sister and the love of her life had been gone for almost two months and she still cried herself to sleep every night. It was pathetic, really.

  


Sometimes when it was late at night and dark around her and everyone else was asleep, Waverly grabbed her phone and opened a text addressed to Nicole and stared at the screen.

More often than she'd like, she asked herself if Nicole was still spiraling down and if she was staring at the bottom of a bottle the same way Waverly was staring at her phone's screen, and when she was so drunk she could barely hold her glass, she closed her eyes and thought of Waverly the same way Waverly still thought about her.

Waverly hoped that she didn't. That her life, unlike Waverly's, had gotten better and she'd been doing her dream job and she'd been sleeping next to the perfect woman and hadn't thought of Waverly in weeks.

  


It had been two months and she was zoning out in the middle of the grocery store, in front of the cookies they used to eat when they were kids, the ones Nicole always let her finish. She wished she left with them. But someone had to stay. It just so happened to be Waverly.

She was startled by a familiar voice bringing her back to the present.

“Mrs. Haught. Good to see you, how are you doing?”

“Oh, you know. Very quiet now that Nicole and Wynonna are gone and you don't come around anymore. But the girls just called with some great news, so it's a good day” she smiled like Waverly was supposed to get what she was talking about, but she honestly had no idea.

“What great news?”

“Wynonna didn't tell you? They passed the tests.”

“The tests?”

“The law enforcement preliminary tests. Not that we're surprised, they had been studying together for weeks before they left, and they've been staying with Nicole's uncle in the city, he's a cop too and he helped them train for the physicals so they had it all covered in the end.”

Waverly was left speechless. A rare occurrence for her in the past, which was becoming more and more frequent, at least regarding Wynonna and Nicole whereabouts.

  


As it turned out they weren't spiraling anymore. They had their life together, they were in the academy and they were going to become cops. Dolls was in the army. And she, she was a waitress at Shorty's.

She took a few more online classes, decided to double major in ancient history and classic languages and she knew if she buster her ass off for a master maybe she could be a teacher, eventually.

Maybe that was her punishment for her cowardly. To be doomed to return to the highschool she hated, forever trapped in Purgatory both literally and metaphorically. But at least she had a goal, something to set her mind to, something to work for.

  


//

  


Sometimes when it was late at night and dark around her and everyone else was asleep, Waverly grabbed her phone and opened a text addressed to Nicole and stared at the screen.

They'd been gone for three months and a half.

She still spoke to Wynonna twice a week, but she hadn't heard from Nicole at all.

She took a deep, calming breath, and started typing.

_I'm starting to realize you were right when you said I can't keep living a lie for the rest of my life, one day I'll tell my mom and I'll tell Willa, Gus, Shorty, I'll tell them I lost the love of my life because I was scared of their judgment and not a single day goes by without regretting filling the pit of my stomach. I had no right but I should have asked you to wait for me to be ready instead of just tell you I was done because I couldn't be that person back then. But I can now, or at least I know I'm headed there. Someday, Nicole, I'll be the brazen person I was meant to be, the person I would have been if my mom hadn't returned. And I hope that day you'll be ready to forgive me, that it won't be too late. But maybe it is already._

Maybe it was already. After all, Nicole hadn't wrote, not even a single word in three and a half months. Nicole didn't care anymore.

She erased everything without sending it and turned her phone off.

  


//

  


“How's your sister doing?”

Waverly jumped a little bit, Gus' voice startled her, but she quickly resumed cleaning the counter and averting her eyes.

“She's fine.”

“And how's Nicole?” the second question was quieter, like her aunt was almost scared to ask.

“I, uhm” she laughed dryly. “I haven't heard from her since she left, so I wouldn't know.”

“Such a shame” she heard Gus mutter behind her in the deserted closed bar. “You two were the sweetest couple. I always thought you'd be the ones to make it.”

Waverly spoon around and stared at her wide eyes.

Gus took a couple of seconds to notice and then watched her with curiosity.

“Oh, dear, you thought we didn't know? We're not blind, me and Shorty. Your uncle was a little bit oblivious but he picked it up too, eventually.”

“You never said anything” Waverly whispered, still wide eyed.

Gus shrugged. “What was there to say? She was perfect, we didn't feel the need of performing the shovel talk, we didn't want to pressure you to tell us something you were not ready to share, but with time we just figured you knew that we knew and didn't want to talk about it.”

Waverly leaned back, hands on the counter, gripping the edge tightly.

“Who else knows?”

“Nobody. We know because you lived with us and Shorty knows because you two used to sneak up to the room to make out thinking you were being subtle. You weren't. The smile you had when it was just the two of you kinda gave it away.”

She felt like she couldn't breath.

The world was spinning around her and she was fairly sure she was about to pass out.

“What happened, by the way?”

Waverly slowly looked back to Gus, taking slow breaths. “Uh?” she asked dumbly.

“To you two. What happened?”

“My mother wants me to be with a man and get married and have children and I lost Nicole because I didn't want to disappoint the woman who abandoned me when I was six” she whispered under her breath.

Gus light laugh filled the room. “No, really. What happened?”

The empty, terrified look in Waverly's eyes made her realize she wasn't joking. Her smile faded altogether.

“Well, I, for once, wouldn't have minded if you'd married Nicole and had had children with her instead. She was perfect for you. That kid adored you. Probably still does.”

“So you're not mad or disgusted or something?”

Gus walked to her, a concerned look in her eyes. She took her shoulders and gently kissed her cheek, then looked in her eyes again.

“We've always been very proud of you and this doesn't change absolutely anything.”

Gus resumed cleaning around the bar while Waverly stood there, completely paralyzed.

The moment she had been scared of, completely terrorized to even think about all the possibilities she could be presented with, the moment she dreaded since she could remember, the worst of her fears for her entire life, just passed her by without even saying goodbye.

And she was still alive.

“What have I done?”

  


Sometimes when it was late at night and dark around her and everyone else was asleep, Waverly grabbed her phone and opened a text addressed to Nicole and stared at the screen.

It had been five months.

She just could not bear it anymore.

She stared at the screen for twenty minutes thinking about where she should start. It was well past midnight when she finally typed and immediately sent a text.

_Hello._

She put her phone on her nightstand and laid staring at the ceiling in the dark.

Nicole wasn't gong to answer that late at night, she knew that.

She didn't even finish that thought when her phone beeped. She was quick to grab it.

Nicole's only response was  _Hi_ and nothing else.

_I miss you._

She knew it sounded pathetic but it was the truth. She wished she could do it all over again and change everything and never hurt Nicole, but she knew she couldn't and it was too late. Five months too late. No, a year too late. She should have never broke up with her. She should have fought to be with her.

_I miss you too. I'll come home soon, can we talk?_

Anxiety immediately knocked on her brain. What if Nicole had found someone and wanted to tell her before someone else did? What if she was going to tell her she wanted to cut all connections with Waverly because now she hated her? My God, what if Nicole hated her? She wasn't sure she could survive that. She wanted to text her that she was making it right, to just wait because she was going to be better for Nicole, she was going to fix everything.

Instead, she just typed  _I'd like that._

Nicole response was quick.

_I'll let you know in advance, I know you're a planner. Goodnight Wave._

Of course she knew. Waverly planned everything. From their dates, to every last detail for their first time, to everything they'd have together in a future they no longer were going to get because of Waverly. She planned it all.

_Goodnight, Nicole._

  


//

  


They came back six months after they left and Purgatory was the same it had always been. It was like time didn't pass there.

Nicole drove them to her own house, she left her begs and asked Wynonna four times if she was sure she didn't want to stay at her parents' place, but her best friend promised she wasn't going to pick a fight with Wendy. And she had to tell her family she was going to become a cop, at some point.

So Nicole drove her and when Wynonna got off the car she texted Waverly saying to take her time to catch up with Wynonna and she'd come back later. She waited for a response but not even a couple of minutes passed and one very determined Waverly Earp was walking out of the house and towards her car. She got in and shut the door.

“Hi.”

“Hey” Nicole smiled. Waverly was even more beautiful than she remembered.

“Shoot. I'm ready for the absolute worst.”

Nicole furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

“You said you wanted to talk. I figured it's something bad if you couldn't text it. So” she inhaled deeply. “What is it? Did you meet someone? Are you engaged? Well no, no ring. Did you shoot someone? Killed someone? Oh my God, did someone shoot you?”

Nicole gently put a hand on her knee to stop her from ranting further.

“Wave I don't have any bad news. I just wanted to see you” she told her in a whisper.

Waverly looked into her eyes and took a calming breath.

“I'm taking college classes online. I haven't told anyone, not even my mother, because the first person I wanted to tell was you, but I couldn't.”

Nicole smiled. She wanted to say she was proud, but she barely opened her mouth when Waverly cut her off to keep ranting. She looked straight ahead and kept talking and talking.

“I also work at Shorty's now. By the way, he and Gus knew about us and never said anything, can you believe the nerve?” she faked a laugh and went on. “I broke it off with Champ after prom and eventually my mom stopped trying to force me to go out with him. Also, my mom lost her job so I'm now in charge of the only income that's supposed to be enough to support the both of us and Willa's rehab clinic. Oh, there's that too, Willa's in rehab and Bobo got arrested, apparently.”

“Woah, Wave. Take a breath” Nicole swallowed tricky. “What did you just say?”

“Bobo was arrested or Willa's in rehab?”

“Before that.”

“My mom lost her job?” she wasn't sure of the order of the information she spilled out in ten seconds.

“No, before all of that. Shorty and Gus knew?”

“Oh. That.” She turned towards Nicole. “Yeah. They knew. They didn't say anything because they never thought it was something weird or wrong. So guess who's the idiot who broke up with the love of her life for fear of being judged by some people who, as it turned out, loved her unconditionally and other people who won't love her no matter what she does.” With a fake smile and tears in her eyes she pointed two thumbs at herself.

Nicole didn't even understand half the thing she was saying. She was in a daze of her own.

“How are you?” Nicole asked softly after a quiet moment.

Waverly new that was her only chance. She had to say it all.

“I'm gonna fix things, okay? I'm going to tell my mom and my sister and everyone else. I'm going to be the person you deserved. I know I'm too late to fix us, I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but I won't give up without fighting for you, not again.”

Nicole laughed and shook her head. Waverly's heart sank under her feet.

“I'm _that_ ridiculous, uh?”

“No, I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at myself” she met her eyes with an amused look on her own. “You told me I had to have a plan, so I made one. I was going to become a cop, to have a respectable job. Wynonna was going to become one too and she was coming back to help your family so that you could go to college next year instead of working in this godforsaken town. We had this-” she laughed again. “This plan to save you, Wave. You'd go to college to have the life you wanted, I was going to make you see I could be the perfect person to bring home to meet parents and not some kid that drinks beer and smokes weed, to make you see you could have any girls or boys you wanted, but someone so much better than Champ. But you're already taking college classes and you dumped the boy-man and realized there's nothing wrong with being with a girl. We had this plan to save you” she laughed again, a little harder. “What a pair of fools we've been. Of course, you are Waverly Earp. So of course, _of course_ , you saved yourself.”

Waverly was crying at that point. She grew up thinking she didn't have a real family, but she knew right then she always did. Nicole and Wynonna, they were her family. The most perfect one in the whole world.

“You don't need us. You're perfectly fine without us. I'm so caught up in trying to protect you that I forget that sometimes.”

Waverly grabbed her face between her hands and gently made her turn so that they were eyes to eyes, only a couple of inches apart.

“I may not need you to keep functioning, Nicole, but I need you to be happy. I may not need you to protect me but that doesn't mean I don't want you to.”

They were so close, after so much time. Waverly's heart was pounding so hard it was bound to get out her chest at some point. She gently caressed Nicole's cheekbones while she gently grasped her wrists.

“I just want you” she said so quietly she barely heard it herself, she didn't know if Nicole did.

She was trying to decide if she should said it again, when Nicole smiled at her, big and bright, her dimples on display.

Waverly kissed her, because when Nicole Haught smiles her dimpled smile at you there's not enough willpower in the world to restrain from doing just that. Not if you're Waverly Earp, at least.

  


She closed the door behind her with a smile on her face and feeling ten times lighter.

Her mom was sitting in the kitchen, facing the front door, looking straight at her. There was no doubt she saw the kissed she and Nicole shared in the car.

“You'll never see her again” was the very fist sentence out of her mouth as soon as Waverly met her gaze. “That kind of behavior won't be condoned in my house. Did you understand me?”

Waverly wanted to point out how doing heavy drugs and breaking the law were both condoned when it concerned Willa, but she just didn't see the point.

“Perfectly understood, mother.”

Her shoulder sank and her smile faded. She was terrified, but she knew what she had to do.

It was bound to get down to this, sooner or later.

“I'll pack a bag and be out of your house in no time.”

She took the steps two by two and Wynonna was there at the end, a smile on her face that said everything she didn't have time to voice.

She made a gesture towards her still packed suitcase and then whispered an “I'm ready to leave when you are, baby girl.”

And Waverly knew right then, she was going to be just fine.

  


//

  


They texted all the time and called at least every other day. 

It wasn't the same, she missed her greatly. But she used the time apart while Nicole was still into the academy to talk to the people she had to talk to, do the things she had to, like finding a new place, since the room above Shorty's was too little even by her own.

She rented an apartment with one bedroom and an open space where both the kitchen and living room were situated. It was old and dusty, but one of the few she could afford. So she cleaned it up and redecorated it a bit an it finally started to feel like she found a home.

Nicole and Wynonna were scheduled to graduate from the academy and Waverly took the weekend off, she wanted to be there for them. She went to the ceremony, smiling and crying. She never felt as proud of both of them. She drove there with Nicole's parents, since they offered to take her along with them. They loaded the trunk with the already packed belongings of the two girls and set off again towards home the same afternoon.

“Where will you go next?” Nicole's mom asked.

“We have to finish our training, some sort of internship. They could send us anywhere in the states, but Nedley has had three vacant spots for months that nobody would take and he's pulling a few strings to see if we can do it in Purgatory” Wynonna answered after a beat. “He would have two new cops at once and he could go back to happy hour at Shorty's everyday instead of having to do all the paperwork, so he seemed pretty adamant.”

“Yeah, plus we graduated pretty high on our class, so it should be fine even if we're send someplace else we can always ask to be transferred and it shouldn't take too long.”

“That's great” Nicole's dad said enthusiastically. “Home has been too quiet without you, kids. Hell, the whole town has been too quiet.”

“Don't worry. We're going to straighten that up” Wynonna stretched out the word 'straighten' looking pointedly at Waverly's hand on Nicole's knee, the redhead's hand on top of it and gently squeezing. A smirk tug at the corner of her lips.

Waverly narrowed her eyes at her, but didn't say anything.

Nicole's parents dropped her off at her apartment and then went back home. Wynonna was staying with her, while Nicole was going to drop her stuff at her parents' and then go back to Waverly's place. Since Dolls was on leave, they agreed to get together like old times. She and Wynonna baked muffins – she baked muffins while Wynonna went on and on about the academy and seeing Dolls again and...doing other things with Dolls that Waverly did not want to think about, thank you very much.

When Dolls and Doc showed up with five boxes of pizza, three packs of nachos, three of chips, and of course three bottles of vodka, four of whiskey and a dozen of beers, Waverly was looking mildly alarmed.

“I might have told a couple of friends” Doc smiled without even the common sense of looking ashamed. “They might have told a couple of their own friends.”

So basically an hour later Waverly's house was filled with their ex highschool mates. Dolls and Wynonna were laughing and lazily making out on the couch, while Waverly was scolding Doc for the hundred time, when a knock on her front door startled her.

“There's more, Doc, really?” she opened the door with a vicious look, only to find standing there one very confused looking Nicole Haught.

“I thought it was just going to be us.”

“I thought so, too” Waverly whispered.

She looked back inside, shooting Doc a warning look to make sure he would keep an eye on things, before stepping outside in the hallway of her floor and half closing the door behind her to give them some semblance of privacy.

She stepped into Nicole's personal space and put her hands around her neck, to which Nicole promptly responded by circling her waist with her arms.

“Hi.”

“Hey” she gave her that dimpled smile of hers.

“I'm happy you're back.”

“Why am I hearing Chrissy Nedley's voice singing 'Bad Romance'?”

Waverly sighed and hugged her, hiding her face against her chest. “I'm going to kill Doc.”

Nicole laughed, bowing her head, so that when Waverly raised hers to look at her, their noses brushed and their lips were merely an inch apart. That time it was Nicole who closed the gap. It was brief and sweet and everything a 'hey, there you are' kiss should be.

“Come in, I want to show you the apartment.”

Waverly gave her a brief tour, as allowed by the many guests who often stopped them to say hi or congratulate Waverly on the new place.

She then take her, always on the pretense of the house tour, to the bedroom and while Nicole stepped in to take in the pictures and posters, Waverly slowly shut the door behind them and made her way towards her quietly.

“I remember this picture, I took it when – _oh_.”

Waverly wrapped her arm around Nicole's waist from behind and got on her toes to kiss her neck lovingly. Nicole turned in her arms after a moment.

“Do you like the house?” Waverly asked between kisses gently pressed onto Nicole's neck.

“I do, very much. I'm very proud of you, Waves.”

“I just redecorated a bit.”

“You know what I mean. I know why you did this. Wynonna told me.”

Waverly went stiff in her arms. She took a step back.

“Look, you don't have to be with me if you don't want to. I know I hurt you and I know I was stupid. You don't have to be here just because my mom kicked me out after coming out, if you're with me out of guilt-”

“I don't feel guilty at all” Nicole stopped her. “Should I?”

“No, that's the point.”

“I'm here because I want to be with you, Wave. Simple as that. But that doesn't mean I'm not very proud of you.”

Nicole took her face into her hands and kissed her again, gently.

Waverly just started to relax when a crashing sound from the other room made her swear under her breath.

“I'm going to kill Doc” she whispered again.

“I might just help you.”

She took Nicole's hand, intertwining their finger and leading her towards the door. She felt her tugging her back lightly.

“Are you sure?” she nodded towards their hands. “This can hardly be mistaken as a friendly hand holding.”

Waverly laughed. “What even is a friendly hand holding?”

Nicole bit her lip and suddenly a conversation from when they were fourteen played in her head again. “You know, when you hold hands with someone and want to be friends but not kiss them and stuff.”

Waverly's eyes glinted and she remembered too. “Nicole, I kinda already kissed you.”

Waverly tug on her hand again, leading her out of their bedroom. They both saw where the source of the noise was, one, thankfully empty, bottle of beer was splayed on the floor. Wynonna and Dolls were sweeping and picking up pieces while Doc was arguing with the guy that probably had shattered the bottle. Waverly's heart sunk when she saw who he was.

“Champ's here” Nicole's voice was low and not very friendly.

She felt the grip on her hand lessen as she tried to pull away, but Waverly tighten her hold and turned to look Nicole in the eyes.

“Don't you dare let go of my hand” she told her firmly, but Nicole knew what she was really trying to say. She both needed Nicole by her side and didn't want to hide anymore, from anybody.

So Nicole didn't.

“What happened?”

Wynonna rose her head when she heard Waverly's worried tone and then, for a moment, everything was still.

It was like everyone in the room was looking at them, at their hands, staring right at the truth that was so obviously in front of them the whole time.

It took everything she had and she knew she was probably starting to hurt Nicole's hand with the force of her grip, but it was all she could do not to let go. 

“We're cleaning everything up, don't worry” Wynonna was the fist to recover. She was also the only one who knew, so it was probably because of that. “He has had a little too much to drink before coming here and dropped a bottle, but it's fine. He's leaving now” she said, looking at Champ and speaking firmly, hoping he would get the message.

But he was too dim for that.

“So you two are like, together, now, eh? That's disgusting. Disgusting.”

Nicole was about to step forward but Waverly held her back by the hand.

“Get out of my house, right now” she told him firmly.

He was already beginning to speak again and move towards them, but Doc menacingly stood in front of him and backed him towards the door.

“Fine, I'm leaving. This place is a dumpster anyway.”

“Do you _want_ me to punch you again?” Nicole asked. “They do say third time's a charm.”

He muttered something under his breath – something that sounded dangerously close to another thing he had told Nicole in the past – and then left while he could.

Three seconds passed and then everybody was minding their own business again. They finished cleaning the glass while everybody slowly started to leave, but they all stopped to congratulate Waverly on the party and the booze and none of them made a comment on the fact that she was still firmly gripping Nicole's hand.

She had been so afraid of everybody's reaction, but it was just passing her by without throwing her off her feet. She was left standing still and with her hand still in Nicole's.

When everybody else left and Doc said his goodbyes, while Wynonna and Dolls resumed making out on the couch, Waverly and Nicole headed to the bedroom again.

“I may have permanently damaged your hand” she exaggerated. She stopped squeezing tight after Champ left, but she hold her nonetheless.

“You're lucky it's the left” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at Waverly, in response she swatted her on her shoulder but smiled against her lips when Nicole kissed her.

Laying in her own bed, looking up into Nicole's eyes, with her familiar weight on top of her, Waverly felt the giddy happiness she thought she had given up forever.

  


//

  


“Why did you left?”

“Because, despite the name Purgatory, this town is a living Hell.”

“Why did you come back, then?”

Nicole looked down at her. Waverly stopped tracing patterns across her collarbone and chest to look up, popping her head on her hand, her elbow digging on the mattress and her skin brushing against Nicole's. The redhead smiled, before giving her an answer.

“Because I'd rather walk through Hell with you than being anywhere else without you.”

  


//

  


Living in their small apartment, doing jobs they very much liked and being surrounded by friends they loved, they realized that was the start of the rest of their lives together, and they were looking forward to the good things they knew were to come.

They would forever have their pretty love.

The were finally happy and in love and safe.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be short but it got away from me and now it's a 22 pages long pining fic. I'm so sorry.  
> English is not my first language so I apologize for every misake and if you point them out to me I promise to correct them as soon as possible. Let me know what you think and thank you for reading.
> 
> Look me up on tumblr if you'd like at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am


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